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Y .Wednesday, April 2, 2008.

april 3. 4 months has passed since he left me and after all those things he's done to me, Im surprised coz he's returning again, trying his best to comfort me with all the stuffs Ive been so problematic with. This is no joke.Ive been so problematic these days about my family thingee. We have no other thing left in the house except our sala set coz everybody was taken by the sheriffs. Another thing was that everything was so hanging. Mom is leaving for Qatar anytime this month or probably this month. What makes her trip a lil delayed is because of the delayed processing of the Philippine Embassy. It takes 45 days to update with your own visa and the medical is so overly strict.I swear. So that just mean one thing. IF she's gonna be delayed Im also off delayed with my schooling, That is the only thing Im so looking forward more than anything else. Not until Abeng texted me to rush into her house for an overnight. I didnt have any idea of what was going on and why she abruptly texted me to directly go into their house. As I was going home to get my clothes, I was really not feeling good about something that I know thats gonna happen later on. Mom was even telling me why dont you stay here nalang.besides its a lil late, it might be dangerous. Go out tomorrow nalang. But I was so stubborn that I insisted on going to Abeng's house.I know they'd understand coz we dont have any TV and stuff. At least if I sleep there, I can watch tv.do all the things i wanna do just to ease the so go usual boredness in my life. OK. Her sister Kate and her BF Mark was here. They were obviously planning a supposed drinking sesh but unfortunately it didnt worked out coz Mark was fuckin drunk. I opened my YM and i was in invi mode. I didnt want my friends to know that Im online and second is I dont want nikko to see me in the net(coz i know he'll give me the big BUZZ and chat with me afterwards) which I actually dont want to happen. But since I was like YMing for an hour and there's no such signs that the people Im hiding are online, I gave it a try to be online-at least I was brave enough.right?uhuh. There he came. I knew this was gonna happen but why did I never had that second thought that maybe he's online again-invi mode as usual. HE gave me that BIg bUZZ. and asking me bout stuffs who's his friend who's courting me today. I was like changing the topic so he wont awkward questions.He asked if me what is wrong.I answered him that "I have so many problems nik. and worst Im so heartbroken" I dont even know the reason why I said that. So he was like telling me he's going here at Abengs house so we could talk to me,ok Ill explain the continuing details in ILonggo coz its so hard to explain.

Nagkadto xa kay abeng mga past 12:30 and I was not expecting that he will still be here at this late hour. Ginkawat niya ang car nila para makadkadto di xa kay abeng. SUrprised ko kay gin call yako sa fone ko.nakibot ko.omg!kabalo pa xa sang number ko.and siguro memorize ya pa! daw na shock lang ko. He asked me if ari pako d kay abemg.siling ko huo. Hambal ya makadto d xa kuno. Medyu ok lang. Nd man gid ko amo na ka nervous pero when he arrived parang I knew there is somethng wrong gid ya.I swear. afterwards.nagsturya kami sagwa balay ni abeng.as in suuper emote,wala ko kabalo ngaa gahibi ko. tapos grabe comfort ya s akon.ginahug yako.tulok sa eyes ko. gahigda sa lap ko.kag ang nd ko malimtan.he Kissed me.and then everything was history.

I cannot forget this, April 3, 2008.



YYY
  • shattered -
    3:26 PM




    • Y .Saturday, January 26, 2008.

    yeah. 2months has passed since our breakup and i think im trying to move another phase/chapter of my life. Many things changed and i tell you all of these changes are kinda ridiculous if I am to think of them deeply. Well..Im still the same.but one thing thats really killing me is that why does he have to look for another girl to satisfy all the loneliness he has undergone??It sounds stupid right? Waiting for all those promises and when you returned it turned out to be one of the most awaited faked promises ever. I was like a fool hoping that I will always be the one till the end. What do you expect.Boys are boys and any circumstance wont change any of their nature either. Im kinda confused these past few days. Coz some people tell me to wait, while some tell me to directly move on. I've supposedly moved on but everytime he shows me little affection, I tend to forget about everyhting.my pride and everything else. I easily give in to what he is showing me. What do you think?? This is love I guess. BEing so insane despite the things that he told you and stuff. BUt now, I fully decided to totally move on with my life. There;s nothing left for me if I'll continue my struggle in winning him back coz im the only one fighting, Im the only one who's crying and loving. Im really hating to death until I can recover and I wont waste any of my time crying and crying all day long thinking of things that might happen if we just pursued the relationship..

    the to do's
    1. Make sure that you'll be strong no matter what
    2. BE stable in everyhting.and that includes your opinions and stuff
    3. Love next time( in my case) let time heal all the pain
    4. be optimistic
    5. be happy.dont deprive yourself from any chance of being happy
    6. Move on



    YYY
  • shattered -
    9:43 PM




    • Y .Monday, December 17, 2007.

    well nikko and i broke up a month ago and im off for a new start. idk if i can carry it on but one thing's for sure life still goes on and this heartbreak wont hinder me from anything i can be and anything i wanna do. Well im kinda happy.taking a long break from schoolworks and stuff-that actually keeps me so bored.lol Well Im here with my cuzins.havin a good time and doin all the things that I have missed out.I miss my friends in Bacolod and I wannna go home asap if i can. But i guess Im here for a purpose. I actually dont wanna leave. I dont know mayve im just twisted.haha
    well love my life bein single.



    YYY
  • shattered -
    2:08 AM




    • Y .Sunday, October 21, 2007.

    im puzzled and i dont even know why i still have the time for writing this shit. im misleading my direction and i guess im becoming really an official crazy bullshit insane person. did i miss something??

    i dont know why my life turned out to be this way. Im gonna stop schooling and worst is that im gonna work..



    YYY
  • shattered -
    12:36 AM




    • Y .Sunday, August 19, 2007.

    well i tried to show Nikko this bloggy thing but it seems he's not showing interest and i guess he's having thoughts like "thea is so inta and emo and blah blah" idk.probably im feeling bedazzled again. why do i have to feel this way again? Ive been trying my best this past few weeks to let go of one disgusting feeling that i know would lead me to distraction.I think I've succeeded but you know what i still cant find the answers to my silly questions. Our computer shop was sold to my uncle and i work regularly every sunday. Isnt it weird right?Well my Mom had some debts owed to my Uncle but does he deserve to be payed with a thing that my Mom has worked hard for all these years? Thats quite too unfair if you're on the position of my Mom. What can we do? We couldnt stop whats bound too happen & you cant question reality. You know what Im so tired of this life if I could just escape in this cruel world now, I would really do it without hesitations. SOmetimes I just cant seem to understand everything. My sister is always moody- she would do unusual things to me if she wanted to borrow or ask something from me, my MOm always cries- and i think crying is now her favorite past time, and worst is? I have nowhere to go. Sometimes my boyfriend is so moody also, I dont know whats inside his head coz he doesnt tell me. Im scared to confront everything to him for i know it would hurt me thrice as much. im in the middle of this crossroad waiting for something to arrive. i know the doors that used to open for us are all now closed. where shall we head? is there something left for us at the end of the road?

    If i could face God at this moment. I'll ask him for a thousand questions. It hurts to see my Mom suffering and it has affected us in some way. Sometimes I would seek for some things that could inspire me and make me happy temporarily but I know it would hurt everybody in the end. I dont want to cry and I dont want to think of things over and over again. If I could get over theses things, I would really want to. but sometimes you just cant force yourself to get rid of this bullshit. It keeps on hunting you wherever you go. I dont know whats destined for us? My dad is in Manila waiting for his papers. My mom is also waiting for her stupid birth certificate. and mee?im waiting for nowhere?

    what the hell!!!! what should i do then?



    YYY
  • shattered -
    5:47 AM




    • Y .Sunday, August 5, 2007.

    im back for good. everything is quite in place. but not really super good. but I'll rather settle for now than what happened last 2months ago. It was a terror thing for us to remember. terror in a way that it really destroyed our lives. it stopped my mom from hoping, it hindered my dad to go on with this work, this occurrence affected me and my sister.we couldnt concentrate on what we're supposed to do. in other words it really distracted us from what we couldve done. Hell? i think i have been there and at this point im really trying my best to reach heaven. I was searching for a perfect friend to help me forget all of these things. not really perfect but a friend that could listen, could understand, and could help. Im not seeking someone to help me to get out of this. But i need someone to give me moral support, strength and help me regain my confidence. My favorite song that could relate to what Im going through is the song autumn and me. I need a friend that could criticize but accept me for who iam. a friend who gets mad but forgives, a friend who could give insults, but is real all along despite those aching words. and a friend that could not be there 4u everyday but could help you at the lowest points of your life. I think i found him. Im just shy to tell him how grateful iam to have him in my life. He was the one who lend me 10k to enroll my ist semester in college. I promised that I'll pay him after a week. But up to now i havent payed him yet. im being embarassed by all of this. I dont know where I'll lead to without him? I'm compromising that when the time comes when he will have his chldren. I'll willingly volunteer to pay their tuition fees. idk..blahblah

    thanks for everything reg..you dont know how much you made me happy. thank you very much. thanks for being a true friend to me..



    YYY
  • shattered -
    12:48 AM




    • Y .Sunday, June 17, 2007.

    my day was plainly good except for one thing-i wanna feel the coldness even just for one time coz im in deep shit with this weather that we have. I kept on wondering why we have nonstop hotness here-literally the weather ok?. I couldnt, I mean we couldnt sustain the init here anymore and to tell you honestly I wanna go naked walking along the streets coz im freakin depressed and i wanna feel the snow.lol but im not kidding ok?though im so over exhagge of my words. Im contented with everything though everybody's been pulling stupid pranks on us, demanding on some unconsiderate issues,and stepping our own dignities. you know what Im tired of living this life, I wanna discover something new and I wanna dwell on a peaceful place someday..far away from home.far away from this stupid people, far away from my relatives who are so selfish, and far away from everything. if you get to understand my own point you'll learn to understand everything behind this agonies. despite all of our problems I'm thankful for I do have supportive parents who'll send me to school no matter what, I have a very obedient sister who'll do everything for the sake of her studies, a very patient Lola who would never fail to remind all of us about our shortcomings, and manang lindy9a very dedicated person)-our housetaker whom we consider as part fo our family also. I just hope everytings gonna be over soon,& i do pray we'll land on the right path..



    YYY
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    5:52 AM